I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
either way he was missing a nipple.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
