he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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