"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
