The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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