I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
