you have to choose: penises or morals?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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