I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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