how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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