he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
