We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
