i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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