forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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