Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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