At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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