You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
