Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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