Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
