The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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