Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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