yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it because I queefed?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
