I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
