If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
