Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...