Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways