if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day