i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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