I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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