she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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