he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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