R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
