You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
