Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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