So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm going to jail i love you
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
