He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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