Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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