I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
