i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
