he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
