Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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