His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
operation have a gay friend backfired
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
porn star boner night. come get it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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