There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
