i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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