I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am naked and annoyed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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