um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
