she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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