I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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