dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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