So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
