Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I intend to get homeless drunk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
