Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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