I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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