I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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