Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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