so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
