I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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