oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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