I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
