your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
