im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
