So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
