The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
