is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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