I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
